Say what you mean | Speak Up 2024

We know from Black box recordings that when air accidents occur, most often the Captain is in charge rather than the First Officer. The recordings show that when the First Officer is in charge the Captain is very clear in their communication; eg “there’s ice on the wings; we need to de-ice”. And when the Captain is flying the First Officer is more tentative; for example “it looks icy out there”.

In this example the Captain uses direct assertive communication, while the First Officer is indirect and passive.

• The person should know already
• If I say what I want there will be conflict (and it’ll be awful)

To have a direct assertive conversation Life Coach Louise Thompson has developed a Say What You Mean formula:

Say – out loud. Voice it. People aren’t mind readers

What – specifically what do you want? Don’t be fluffy or vague

You – voice your needs

Mean – mean what you say but don’t be mean

To say what you mean:

• Focus on the outcome you want
• Be clear, concise and specific
• Be less invested in controlling their reaction or trying to avoid conflict
• Ask for your preferred outcome